Home? - Part 2.

Wow. What a whirlwind of a month it has been.

So many thoughts, emotions, processing, laughs, tears, friends, family, yummy food, love, and beauty. I really didn't know how I would feel being back in Canada again. I was actually a little apprehensive about the summer, like I talked about in my last post, not knowing what being at home would be like, or how I would feel about it.
... Whether or not I would find it hard to accept that a lot has changed.
... Whether or not I would feel out of place.
... Whether or not I'd have reverse culture shock, as I had been told to be prepared for.
... Whether or not I'd find it weird to be the racial majority again (since I had gotten used to being the minority in Cambo).
... Whether or not I'd be freezing cold all of the time.

My first day or two here was WEIRD. I had basically forgotten about many "normal" aspects of how life is done here, like how to drive (like seriously forgot how to start a car... my parents were concered, haha), how to use my debit card, how expensive everything is (and taxes on top of that!), how to fill up my car with gas, tipping at restaurants, how carpet felt under my feet, that the sun doesn't set until 9:00 pm!! (compared to 6:30 pm all year round in Cambo), that it's okay to walk in my neighborhood at night, etc.

But after a few days, I had gotten over jet lag and had re-adjusted to a lot of those things already. It's amazing how adaptable we are as humans, especially when we return to what we've known for so long.

My adjustment here has been surprisingly smooth and my time here has been refreshing and full of joy. But now comes the honesty... The strange thing is that even though I am thankful for the wonderful break I am having, an expected and strong emotion that I've been wrestling with is guilt. The same questions always seem to be buzzing around my head…

"Is it wrong that I love being home again?" 

"Shouldn't I be counting down the days to return to the people and country I'm serving?"

"It is self-centered to be greatly appreciating the conveniences of life here... like a dryer, shopping for clothes that actually fit, more selection in food, cooler weather, sweaters & scarves, talking to friends and family without having to rely on sketchy Skype..?"

I’ve heard it said that comparison is the thief of joy, and I’ve seen that to be true time and time again in my life. I am easily tempted to compare myself to friends and other missionaries who feel really called to serve in Cambodia (or other places in the developing world) long-term. In my head, I know that each of our stories are different – that God will use our unique lives in different ways – but my heart is so prone to those feelings of comparison.

I’m not saying I don’t love the life and adventures I’ve been able to have (and will soon again have!) in Cambodia.

I’m not saying I don’t want to go back.

I’m not saying I don’t miss the people who have found their way into the deep parts of my heart this year.

I know I’m supposed to go back. I know that God led me to this school, this opportunity, and that is was for a reason that I signed a two-year contract.  For this season, I am a teacher at Asian Hope International School, and I am so thankful for the ways I’ve grown and the blessings I’ve seen, big and small, because I am living and teaching in Cambodia. 

This past weekend was so good for my heart – exactly what I needed. I got to reunite with some of the wonderful friends I made this year in Cambodia, as we went to Charleston, South Carolina, to witness the simply beautiful marriage of our dear friends Anna and Anthony. Karen and I got to spend a lot of time together, exploring Charleston and reliving memories from the past year. This weekend made me really excited to go back to my second home in Phnom Penh and to see what’s in store for my next year of life there.

I recently read a book that I can’t get off of my mind. It’s called “The Hardest Peace” and was written by a woman named Kara Tippetts, who recently passed away after a long battle with cancer. The book was published before she passed away, and in it she shares her story and how God has used the hard of cancer to show her His grace in the small moments. Her blog was called “Mundane Faithfulness.”

That book is totally rocking my perspective... As I sit here and think about the decision of whether or not I will renew my contract at Asian Hope. At this point in my life, this decision is my “hard.” But, unless I die tomorrow, I can know with confidence that more “hard” is to come. And chances are that I will look back later in life at this decision and say something along these lines to my 25-year-old self, “You thought that was hard? You had no idea what was coming.” Because it’s that how life works? There is always hard… sometimes hard that feels impossible. I cannot believe the hard that Kara had to endure in her short life of 30-something years. But, as Kara so beautifully writes in her book, there is also beauty. And that beauty is most appreciated after and during the experience of trial, struggle, suffering, challenge, sickness, and pain.

Many parts of Kara’s book hit me profoundly. In one section, she talks about the small book, “The Prayer of Jabez” that was popular among Christians awhile ago. The book focused on a small verse in 1 Chronicles 4:10: “Jabez called upon the God of Israel saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!”  In her book, Kara says, “…We liked what this verse seemed to offer – plenty without pain. Who didn’t want the offerings of great borders and no suffering? … I grieve my own thirst for comfort, ease, plenty without pain… I would be lying if I said I still don’t long for those extended borders in my life and he absence of pain. But what if that prayer was meant for Jabez and simply for Jabez? Maybe the part of the prayer that is meant for each of us if that God’s hand might be with us. And simply that. …We all wanted more and ease, and we wanted to use God to get it. But we are not the Author of our story. We are the characters.”

So maybe I need to get over myself and realize that it’s not about me. Maybe it’s not about whether or not I return to Cambodia after next year. Maybe it’s about a bigger story God is weaving through each of our lives. Reading Kara’s book made me understand that so much of that story, I am not yet aware of. So much more hard and so much more beauty is still to come in my life and in all of our lives. It’s not something we like to think about… We are scared about what we do not yet know. We want control. We want to know each next stage that is coming. But we are forced to accept that that’s just not how life works, no matter where we live or what we do.

Nothing comforts me more than knowing that God knows. There is no reason to fear, and no reason to worry about anything more than today. My prayer is that God would continue to teach me, like Kara, to learn to live faithfully in every moment; in the joy, in the hard, and in the mundane.

Home?

It's been awhile...

I've wanted to blog, and have sat down several times with that purpose, but for some reason, it just hasn't happened. I find writing really therapeutic, and it helps me to process my thoughts, but lately I haven't felt like I have all that much to say.

How can I not have much to say, when I live in a world so different from what I've known my whole life? 

One reason that comes to mind is that this "foreign land" is slowly starting to feel like "home"... I feel quite comfortable here, and the initital adjustment period has come and gone. When I arrived here EIGHT MONTHS AGO (where did the time go??), some of the sights (as well as sounds and smells!) were overwhelming. My only reaction was to stare and my only thought was, "What in the world?!" Now, those same sights don't even get a second glance from me...

It's "normal" to see a live pig strapped lengthwise across the back of a moto, its limbs flailing with every bump in the road, or to see someone leaving the hospital riding on the back of a moto with an I.V. still attached, and carrying their I.V. pole!

It's "normal" to tower above all the people who walk by me by on the street and Karen and I are pretty used to getting stared at as we drive our moto in our long skirts (I'm sure it is a funny sight for the Cambodians to see!).

It's "normal" for me to start sweating the minute I get out of the shower (Hello, Hot Season!) and to escape to air-conditioning whenever possible.

Although teaching here seemed like a daunting task at the beginning of the year, it's also now "normal" for me to spend each day learning and growing alongside 21 amazing kids who definitely all have a piece of my heart.

But, of course, in some ways, I don't think I am ever going to feel totally at home here, even if I lived here my whole life. I'm not Khmer (Cambodian). I can't change the colour of my skin or the culture I was born into.

So, I guess that leaves me somewhere in between... and maybe, deciding to move away from Canada and live over here for at least 2 years, means that I will always be in the in-between. I'm so looking forward to spending the summer at "home" in Canada, but I know that it's unrealistic for me to expect that things will be exactly as I left them. A lot can change in a year, and I know that the people I love are not all in the same spot of life as they were when I last saw them in July... and really, neither am I. I don't think about that fact as often, but I know that living here has changed me too.

Only time will tell, and as a person who likes to have a plan and know what's going to happen, it is definitely stretching me to not know. Two of my closest friends (/roomies/coworkers) here have already committed to teaching at our school for a third year, but I haven't felt like that's a decision I can make either way at this point. I do know two things for sure though:

1. I will be coming back to Cambodia in July to teach grade 4 for a second year, after spending 7 weeks in Canada.

2. God is faithful.

He has shown so much of his faithfulness this year in the way that He has sustained me through the harder days, and in the amazing blessings he has given me (on top of providing for my every need!). No matter where I end up after next year, I know that God is faithful - always has been, always will be.

Now for a few quick updates:

- My students threw me an amazing surprise birthday party, and I had a wonderful time celebrating my quarter-of-a-century, Cambo-style!

- I have 8 weeks of teaching left before the end of the year, and in exactly two weeks, I will be in Hong Kong with two of my friends, over Khmer New Year! I am really looking forward to a break, and to exploring such a cool city.

- I had parent-teacher conferences last week, which went very well but were exhausting. It was great to talk with my students' parents, and to hear what some of their kids say about me at home!

- I am still taking Khmer lessons, every Saturday afternoon. I've learned a lot in the last 6 months and can understand some of what I overhear. Speaking is definitely more of a challenge than listening/understanding, but it's coming slowly... very slowly.. haha

Thanks for reading :)
And to all of you Canadian friends and family, see you in 2 months! 

#christmasincambo

Once again, it's been awhile...

When you live in a culture that is so radically different from your own, there is never a shortage of things to process and blog about, but for some reason I seem to find it difficult to actually sit down and figure out how to put into words what I want to say.  Then, by the time I do eventually sit down and write, I am overwhelmed by the amount of "updating" I feel I need to do.  So today instead of a list of detailed updates about everything that's gone on over the last few months, I'm going to free myself of that pressure and just write what's on my heart today. If you want to see what I've been up to, photos on facebook capture the bulk of it... except for my daily interactions with my precious (but sometimes crazy/hyper/mischievous) students... which I guess IS why I'm here in the first place! ;)  

This Christmas was beyond strange. It was beautiful in its own way, but that doesn't change the fact that it was weird! For my whole life I've lived in a place in which the "indicators" of the Christmas season are endless... snow, freezing cold, jackets, christmas lights on houses, candy canes, carols playing at shopping centres, Christmas-y smells, Christmas movies on TV, the season of advent at church, etc...   Here in Cambo, some of those indicators are suprisingly still present, like some Christmas decorations at more "Western" coffeeshops and stores, but many indicators are nowhere to be found. For the past few weeks, my roommates and friends have been saying to each other, "It just doesn't FEEL like December" or "It can't possibly be Christmas so soon when it's still so hot out!" but it didn't matter how many times we said those words, Christmas still came and went, even here in hot Cambo. Fun fact - this is the coldest season of the year in Cambodia, and I am presently sitting in a coffeeshop wearing a sweater! ... The only reason I'm wearing a sweater though is because this coffeeshop is wonderfully air-conditioned and when you don't have many opportunities to wear sweaters, you take advantage when you can! It is still, by my standards, HOT outside, and I was sweating this morning in my tank top and shorts, but to the Cambodians, this kind of weather (in the mid to high twenties) is perfect for heavy winter coats, hats, and gloves. I sweat FOR THEM when they drive by me on their motos all bundled up, but they seem perfectly content!

The only snowflakes I saw this year...

... Snowflakes continued. 

Juliann and I took a lovely trip to Kep, a town about 4 hours away by bus, and then spent one day on Rabbit Island. Beautiful beach!!

The irony of Juliann sitting in front on the full-speed fan on Christmas morning. 

It was a huge blessing this Christmas to have a full house of people, includng my dear friend Juliann who came across the world to spend Christmas with me, and two other visitors. I loved having Juliann here and getting to introduce her to my "new" way of life - driving her around on the moto, eating Cambodian food (I HAD to give her the chance to try tarantula!), taking part in a super fun Cambodian cooking class, doing another traditional Khmer photoshoot (so much makeup, but such an experience!), teaching her a few phrases in Khmer, having her with me at school and introducing her to my students... My worlds collided and it was just so special to have a friend here who knew me way before coming here. I feel like I've known the people here for a lot longer than 6 months, but when I think about it, it's strange that there is no one here who knows me beyond that timeframe. Doing life together in Cambodia certainly has a way of bringing people together, and I feel so blessed that I have found such community (really, family) here, in the people I live and work with. I definitely missed being with my own family and relatives this Christmas, and it's hard to be so far away when there are a lot of exciting things going on in their lives, but it was special to Skype with them on my Christmas morning. I can't wait to see everyone again in just over 150 days (May 29th is my last day of school - my flights will soon be booked)!!! 

At our Cambodian cooking class, with our instructor "Lucky Two" - that was his real name, no joke.

The Christmas season is always busy and it was no different here. One moment that has not left my mind, though, was a simple comment made by one of my grade 4s. I bought my students small gifts (bracelets for the girls and toy geckos filled with sand for the boys) and wrapped them up with little cards for each of them. I wasn't sure how impressed they would be, but it filled me with joy to see their faces light up with excitement as they tore the wrapping paper open. One of my girls came up to me afterwards and said, "Ms. Alyssa, this was the best Christmas ever, because my family doesn't celebrate Christmas at home!" I was so humbled. In my mind, I knew that many of my students don't come from families who celebrate Christmas, but to hear her say those words made it real. It also brought me such joy this season to be able to remind these kids (and for some, to teach for the first time) about the true reason for Christmas. I am so thankful that my job gives me that freedom - I know I wouldn't find that freedom everywhere in the world.  Here in Cambodia, Christmas is just another day for the majority. For kids that go to public school, December 25th is just another school day! Blows my mind. But for the Cambodians who know and love Jesus, celebrating his birth is a joy-filled celebration! On Christmas Eve, Juliann and I (and our roomies) went to our church's candlelight service, and got to sing carols with the Cambodians - in English for us, and Khmer for them. This Christmas, I'm grateful beyond words that Jesus is not limited to a certain people group or language. 2000 years ago, God became flesh, Immanuel, God with us - that's ALL of us. And in the simplicity of what was #christmasincambo, He was here, even though the snow was not.  I'll close with the question I've asked myself (and struggled through, if I'm honest) this Christmas... is His presence enough for me?

Matthew 1:23 - "Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel" (which means, God with us)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsXOP7aQeqQ

Christmas Eve candlelight service at Water of Life church.

It's been awhile...

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I last wrote on this blog! Overall, time seems to fly SO fast here, even though sometimes the school days feel long.

For those who missed it, I wrote a blogpost for an online magazine called Boundless and they published it last month! It was really exciting for me to get published on the site and I even got a few comments and messages from people I've never met who said that it had encouraged them. I love that It blows my mind that God could use my experiences to encourage others.  I'm so thankful for the ways He uses each of us, even when we feel we don't have much to give.
Here's my post :)  https://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/boundless/archive/2014/09/26/your-turn-even-if-i-never-see-the-fruit.aspx

Things have been so busy here ever since school started. We taught for 7 straight weeks and then had the opportunity to go to Koh Rong on a wonderful, refreshing, and rejuvenating 3-day trip. Koh Rong is an island off the coast of Cambodia, and it was paradise.

After vacation, it was a struggle to adjust back to the routine of school, as I guess it always is. My students provide little moments of joy for me each day though, and it is those moments that make this job worthwhile. To keep things realistic here, they also provide for me little moments of challenge or frustration each day... Sometimes they just decide they are in the mood to talk and not to listen, and I frequently have to stop and wait for them to settle down so I can communicate the instructions to them. I guess it means they are engaged and excited though, so I'll take what I can get :)

In topic (which is basically social studies/science/miscellaneous), we are currently studying "Materials" and last week we did an interesting activity about what clothing is made of and where it comes from. Each student brought in a piece of clothing and we did a tally chart to track which continent their piece came from. They were surprised to see that out of 21 pieces of clothing, 18 came from somewhere in Asia! When I asked them why they thought that was the case, most of them said it was because they live in Asia so of course that's where their clothes came from! They didn't fully understand as I tried to explain that the results would probably be similar if I did the same activity with a Canadian class. It led into an interesting discussion about factory workers, and different salaries in different countries. One of the reasons I love teaching is to be able to help open my students' perspectives on the world, so it was a neat conversation to have with them. They are only in grade 4, but they are old enough to be challenged to think critically. It's really cool to watch their eyes widen as they consider something they've never thought about before :)

Please excuse the messy writing... and the dirty board!

Two of my friends (Karen and Tash) and I are taking Khmer lessons together each Saturday for an hour an a half. Our instructor is a precious man (thanks for the recommendation, Rachel!), probably about 50 years old, who has lived in Cambodia his whole life. This past week, we heard some of his life story. He lived through the Khmer Rouge, a very dark time in Cambodia's history, and at a very young age, he was forced out of his city and separated from his family. We felt really honoured that he would share those times with us - we could tell that even now it's hard for him to talk about.

As for our lessons, let me just say, Khmer is NOT an easy language to learn, and even the basics are a huge challenge to grasp. It's a pretty hilarious sight to see as we stumble through our simple sentences, saying things like "I drink coffee with sugar" and "Can I please have the bill", but we're hoping that by the end of 2 years here, we will at least be conversationally fluent. It makes SUCH a difference to be able to speak the language and will do wonders at helping us get out of the "western tourist stereotype." One amusing thing from this past week is that we learned that the Khmer word for "map" is "panties" (pronounced "pawn-tease")!  Also, the word you use when speaking to an older man is "Puu" (which means Uncle). So if we need to direct a tuktuk driver who doesn't know where he is going, we will attempt not to laugh as we say, "Puu mien panties te?" (Do you have a map?)

To close, here are a few funny things I found when reading my students' writing books this weekend (I give them writing prompts every day, so I'll start with those)...

- "If I could hangout with two famous people, I want to hangout with Selena Gomez and Helen Keller because they are both girls and are kind, also good." (haha, most random combination ever!)
- "If I was a principal for a day, I would fire all the teachers and make the children my slaves. For the teachers, they will buy me food and coffee. The job that the children will have is to bring me all their work and they will start doing science when they are two years old."
- "If I could go to the moon for a day, I will die because in moon there is no air. In moon, it's so so cold. If we splash water, it will freeze in the sky."

Some of their similes (comparing two things using "like" or "as", just as a refresher, haha!):
- "A rat is as dirty as a trash left out of the sun for a month."
-  "If you have a rat at your house you are fancy like the king." (really?!) - "My class is so noisy, like an annoying orange. (Didn't quite get the point... What's an annoying orange?!) But my teacher is as nice as a humble person." (yay! points for me!)
- "Jesus is as real as my parents." (Amen, girl!) - "Money is as rare as an orca."
- "My brother is as strong as a sumo wrestler."
- "Miss Alyssa is as beautiful as a peacock, standing like a status, walking around the pond, and get back home for food." LOL
- "My mother is like a sea. If she is angry, she is like a big wave sea. If she smiles, she is like the quiet sea."
- "A puppy is as cute as a cute eye" (huh?)

Thanks for reading, friends!

Getting to know my students...

Here's a drawing of our class courtesy of one of my students :)

I've officially survived two weeks of school!  And without shedding one tear... which is quite the improvement from last year when I was thrown into my first job of teaching grade 3. I think it helps to know that I was able to do it last year (somehow!), and that little bit of confidence (and a lot of prayer for energy!) has been getting me through.

First day of school view from right outside my class (T.A.s are greeting the students!)

I really love my students. Each one of them has found a way into my heart already, and the school year is just beginning. Their personalities, interests, laughs, smiles, and cute accents fill me with joy! The days are VERY busy and my schedule is full. Each day, my roommates and I come home and crash... (we are seriously all in bed by 9 at the latest!) and I feel like I have just ran a marathon, even though I have no idea what that really feels like ;)  So the job is tiring, draining at times, and takes a lot out of me... but it is also SO rewarding to be able to build relationships with these precious kids and staff, and to see my students learn and get excited about what we're doing in class. They have given me some cute/funny drawings and little gifts (small chocolates or Cambodian treats), and each time I smile, knowing that my students are happy and feel safe and loved at school.

Gifts from my students: Cambodian treat and a Ferrero Rocher... beautiful combo.

On the first few days of school, I had all my students fill in a survey so I could get to know them a bit better, and some of their answers are seriously heartwarming and/or hilarious (and a few might have gotten a little lost in translation...). Here are some for you to enjoy! I hope you appreciate them as much as I did. I can't really post pictures of my students, but I can still give you an insight into the cute ways that they think and speak, so I guess that's the next best thing :) My comments are in italics.

1. What I like most about school is... 
- The teachers are kind to us (yay!)

- When we have party

- Reading books, because it is calm

- Fun ideas and nice friend

2. What I like least about school is...

- Don't have break

- Try hard

- We have P.E. only on Fridays

- Nothing (yay!)
- Lunch food (I've actually enjoyed it most days!)

3. I am really good at...

- Dodgeball

- Basketball and all sport (confident kid...)

- My friend

4. I may need some extra help with...

- A friend (hmmm... I think he meant his friend could help him? He definitely has friends, don't worry)

- Money and coins names (very specific! And interesting because Cambodia doesn't have coins... only paper money)

- Frome teacher

- Wordsearches (haha, really, of all things?) 

5. My favourite book is... (and why?)

- Every book, because I like book

- Gorilla, because it is cool and have picture

- The Bible book, because we can learn about God 

- Chalet web, because it is a chapter book (Charlotte's Web? haha)

- Wimpy Kid, because it's funny

- Challote Wed, because it has a cute character!

- The Magic Treehouse, because I read it a lot so I begin to really like it

- "Thank went you get something", because it tells us to learn about it (huh?)

6. Three words I would use to describe myself are:
- Kind, ?, ? (we might need to work a bit on adjectives...)-  I'm 9 years old, my birthday is on March 20, I like school

- Curious, shy, sleepy

- I have two moles on the right cheek, happy, kind

- Kind, talk with my friend, lazy (haha! At least he admits it)

- Wise, honest, secure (This girl is so precious)

- Smart, fast, good sport

- Mom and her family because we movie to Canada (for real, this kid's Dad lives in Canada!)

- Nice, good, tiny (this was kind of funny because this kid isn't really too tiny at all)
- I like chocolate, puppies, and friends 

- Fearless, shy, not really friendly (so not true about this kid!)

7. In my free time, I like to participate in the following activities...

- Site and watch TV and play game

- Draw a picture

- I play with my baby brother

- Card game like Uno

- Is draws

8. The following languages are spoken at home...
- Korea language

- English, Chinese and Khmer (multilingual families! so cool)

9. My preferred place to sit in the classroom is...

- Any wear

- Right here (right where?)

- Far from the air conedichaner  (haha it amazes me that these kids get cold in class... mostly when I'm drenched with sweat)

- Out of the air conditioner

- In front of air-con (haha!)

- I can sit aniwar in cass

10. I live with (which family members)... 

- Mom, Dad, brother, Me, Anti, Pets

- Mom, Dad, small sister, big sister

- Mom, Dad, grandma, grandpa, Aunty, other grandma, brother, 2 sisters (a full house!)

11. Something I want my teacher to know about me is... 

- I'm from Cambodia!!

- Where my house is (interesting...)

- I love to read Bible

- When I am sick (?) 

- That I live next to the school

- I live here 10 years when I was 2 months I come here

- I like to stay home alone and along in my room (fair enough, and impressive that he recognizes so early on that he is more introverted than extraverted)

- Today is my brother's birthday!

- I will try to do my best in all the attivites

- I am special 

- Nothing

- My health (huh?) 

- I like to speak Korean

- I'm a kid and I like swimming the most (Thanks for telling me you're a kid! haha!) 
- I want to change the day of my birth (sorry... can't help you with that one!)

The craziness that is lunch at Asian Hope

Random origami piano made by my student

Random fun fact: Coffee is SO strong here and makes me feel like I'm going to fly every time I drink it (I've pretty much decided I can't drink it, haha!)

I hope that made you smile! Thanks for reading! And thanks for your prayers :)

One week and one day

I have officially been here for more than a week now, and have been meaning to sit down and write a post. The issue is that each time I put it off, there is more and more to write and I figure it will be like that for awhile since EVERYTHING is new and it seems like practically each moment of life here is interesting in one way or another.

Let me start off by saying, it has been a wonderful week. As you probably know by now, moving to Cambodia has been a dream for me for awhile, and it still hasn't fully set in that this is my new home. The other day, Karen and Anna (2 of my 3 roomies, my third roomie arrives this week) and I went to tour the Royal Palace where the King of Cambodia lives (although we couldn't actually go as far as where he lives for obvious reasons) and we met a Canadian and Australian who are both doing some travelling around this part of the world. The Australian looked shocked when he asked us how long we are here and we said, "We actually live here" so we specified that we are here for 2 years and his shock didn't wear off... "Two years.. wow, that's a big commitment", he said. It's funny how in some moments, 2 years does feel like it's going to be a long time, but in other moments, I feel like it's going to fly by.

The Royal Palace

Thanks for all your prayers, especially when it came to flying over here. I spent a night in Hong Kong because of a delayed flight but that actually turned out to be such a neat experience so everything worked out! My luggage also arrived untampered and on time.

We finally got wireless internet installed in our house on Friday, so it is nice not to have to walk to a cafe whenever we want to be connected to the outside world. On a positive note, there are many cafes around our area of town and most of them have free wifi. Internet plans on phones are also super cheap - $5 a month for 3.5 GB of data! A million times cheaper than Canada.

This week, my roomies and I have been exploring the city and getting our bearings. We have eaten some delicious Khmer (pronounced Kuh-Mye) food, visited the Phnom Penh riverside, visited the Royal Palace, had dinner and coffee dates with new friends, toured both campuses of our school (Asian Hope International School) as well as Logos (another school run by the Asian Hope organization), had many tuktuk rides around the city, went to two different churches (today and last Sunday), navigated our way through the amazing and chaotic Russian Market, learned a little Khmer (including numbers up to about 30), and explored the new AEON mall (just opened a few weeks ago). Let me just say, that mall is CRAZY. I never expected anything like that would be in Cambodia. The mall has lots of designer stores with clothes too expensive for me to afford, and it feels like another world compared to the run down houses and little markets right across the street. I guess as in most developing countries, the contrast between the rich and poor here is quite drastic, and that discrepancy is quite unsettling to see. Last night, as we were riding on a tuktuk going back home at dusk, Phnom Penh nightlife was starting to come out. Seeing so many girls/young women wearing so little clothing and standing at the doors of "Karaoke Bars" and "Massage Parlours" (often brothels in 'disguise') left the three of us with a heavy feeling in the pit of our stomachs. Although it has been fun to explore this beautiful city, we cannot ignore the brokenness that is here or pretend that life is wonderful for all who live here. The desperation is real. So for those of you who pray, please do keep praying for this beautiful nation... that they would find freedom from the bondage that is here and that we would have opportunities to build relationships with these beautiful people and share from our hearts about the hope and peace that we have found in Jesus. I am completely and totally aware that their backgrounds and beliefs are different, and do not in any way want to push or preach, but a large population of the people in this country have never even heard anything about Jesus... so how could I not share about the difference He has made in my life?  Isn't the freedom to choose really only freedom if you know about the options?

New teacher orientation starts tomorrow and then all-teacher orientation starts the week after. Our classes officially start August 5th. Although I know it will be overwhelming at times, I am really looking forward to a full 2 weeks of training and prepping for the school year, and then getting to meet my students on August 5th :)  

Thanks for reading, friends!

Mixed feelings are expected, right?

I've been meaning to write a blogpost for awhile now... I guess what's been stopping me from actually getting to it has been the fact that my thoughts & feelings lately seem so jumbled and mixed.  Every time I think about moving to Cambodia (in just 23 days!), I feel a surge of adrenaline rush through me - a mix of incredible excitement and joy, but at the same time fear, apprehension and concern, not really having a clue what to expect.

I think another reason for my fear and concern lately has to do with the teaching role I will be stepping into. It will be my first full year of teaching my own class, from the first day of school to the last, and I feel the weight of that responsibility. Doubt creeps in as I wonder if I will be able to do it...

Will my students listen to me?  
Will I be able to plan lessons for each day that are engaging and that my students can connect with? 
How will I deal with the conflicts that arise among my students or even the staff I will be working with? 
Will I be able to handle the heat that I've heard is at times almost suffocating? 
Will I be able to find that balance of being firm and consistent with my students, but also kind, caring and patient?  

It doesn't help that lately I've had some really, really challenging days of supply teaching... days when I am incredibly relieved when I hear the final bell; days when, if I'm honest, I question whether or not teaching is for me. Other teachers at those schools encourage me, saying that those groups of kids really are challenging, and I'm not the first supply teacher to struggle with managing them, but still, I find it really hard to get past the dominant thought that runs through my head at the end of those challenging days... "Maybe, you don't really have what it takes to be a teacher, Alyssa."  Of course, this is a scary thought when I am fully aware that I'm moving away from everything I know in a matter of weeks, specifically to fill the role of teacher, for twenty young Cambodian children (more on my class list later!).

The other day though, as I was reading from a book about teaching (trying to prepare myself for what I know in theory I can't really prepare for!), something dawned on me that I hadn't really thought much about before...

Teaching is all about relationships.

Somehow I got through 4 months of teaching my own class last fall. There were many challenging moments and days for sure, but with lots of prayer, God was my strength. He allowed me to build some wonderful relationships with my students; relationships that resulted in tears for me as well as for them on my last day. Students connect the best with teachers that they feel safe and comfortable with. Teachers who can laugh with their students. Teachers who genuinely care.  With supply teaching, especially when you are only with a specific class for one day (or even a half of a day!) those relationships cannot really be built.  When you are a supply teacher, I think it's easy to get disillusioned with teaching as a career. There are pros to supply teaching for sure, like being able to leave at the final bell, not having to write report cards, or deal with potentially difficult parents, but unless you are able to supply teach for the same class again and again, you miss out on what I believe is the best part of teaching - the relationships. Relationships with students in which you have an opportunity to really get to know them as people, as well as relationships within the staff community.

On that note, I received my class list by email a few weeks ago. It is still subject to change, but at the moment I have 8 girls and 12 boys in my class... meaning 20 opportunities to build unique relationships with my students! I am genuinely looking forward to meeting them all, as well as learning how to properly pronounce their names. Almost all of their last names have between 3 and 6 letters, whereas their first names range from 4 to 14 letters. I wonder if nicknames are a thing in Cambo!?  I may need to quickly find some for a few of them... starting with "Chamchakrayut", "Darathanavuth" and "Sireynorrian"!

For you teaching folk who want to read some more blog posts I've been enjoying lately, here are a few:

http://ibeforeennui11.blogspot.ca/2013/09/and-it-didnt-even-have-poision-or-razor.html (I'm totally going to have my students fill out a survey! Her students' answers are hilarious.)

http://www.loveteachblog.com/2013/05/the-top-ten-things-i-wish-id-known-as.html  (This one will come in handy for sure!)

Even in those moments when I feel overwhelmed and scared, God gives me a peace that surpasses my understanding. I am reminded that He has led me this far and is not going to let me fail. He has a lot of work to do in me as I learn what it means to really trust Him... I have a feeling it will be a life-long journey.

Zechariah 4:6 - "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord." 
I am thankful for the promise that He will work through me even when I don't feel the least bit mighty or powerful.