Changes...

At this point, I haven't told too many people about the big decision that I've made... And even writing it out on here is a little scary. But I also know that I am not the first to make this decision and I won't be the last. (Reading this article made that much clear to me --> The Transition that Never Ends)

I've decided that once this school year is finished, I'll be leaving this land I've come to love, and moving back to Canada.

I've wrestled with this decision.

Leaving Cambodia means leaving behind this Asian life of...
- driving a moto
- speaking (a little bit of) a foreign language
- teaching grade 4 at Asian Hope International School (and being a part of the incredible staff community here)
- being known as Ms. Aryssa or Ms. Aleeeessa (depending on the student)
- eating Cambodian curry (my FAVOURITE)
- drinking delicious and cheap iced coffees and bubble tea
- being a part of a wonderful Khmer church, "Water of Life"
- living with Karen in our wonderful 2 bedroom apartment
- incredible, powerful rainstorms (that are awesome when you're not stuck in them!)
- bizarre sights, sounds, smells, cultural norms and traditions... never a dull moment here.

It means saying goodbye... I anticipate some painful goodbyes to come... students, co-workers, friends. I'm tearing up writing this because I know that leaving Cambodia means leaving behind a part of my heart.

It means having to re-work and re-shape this new identity that I've embraced over the past year and a half... as an overseas teacher, as an expat, as a "local" foreigner.  It also means potential "re-entry culture shock", which I've heard can be unexpectedly challenging.

But it also means...
- reunions with friends and family that I haven't spent time with in person for a long while
- meeting my cousin's little baby who will be almost a year by the time I get home!
- winter! (I'm sure I'll be done with it after a couple weeks of snow, but still!) ;)
- and with winter, comes scarves, boots, cuddling up under warm blankets, skating, skiing, etc.
- holidays spent with family
- not having to sweat all the time (woohooo!)
- a new job of some kind (not totally sure what yet.)
- a whole lot of unknowns...
- new beginnings.

In this process of praying about and deciding what the next step is for me, I've had a lot of mixed feelings. I've felt some guilt about leaving... wrestling with God's calling in my life, and feeling guilty about leaving my students, especially. But in the past few months I've also felt freedom to make the choice and trust God with the rest. This season in Cambodia has been an equally hard and beautiful season. I've learned so much and have grown so much, and with a little over 6 months of school still to go, I know my learning and growing here isn't finished yet!

I think that all the learning and growing is another reason I'm a little apprehensive and fearful about moving back to Canada. I realize that I'm not the same person as I was when I left. I cannot identify all the ways I've changed, but I know that it's impossible to do life in a foreign country for two years and not return as a changed person. I also realize that the people I love back in Canada have changed, too.

It's really cool to look back in my journal from the past year and a half (although I haven't been as diligent a journaller as I would like to be...), and to clearly see God's faithfulness as the thread that runs through all the pages. My first entry in my journal was written on the plane, on my way to Cambodia, and so much of it is about the mixed feelings I felt then, too. I was both scared and excited about many things I was about to experience. Looking back, I can see how God has been so faithful to carry me through this season. He answered my prayers - showed me that there wasn't any reason to be afraid. Again, he is calling me to trust him, and so I will.