Journey to Cambodia : August 2015

(Fun fact! The girl with the hula hoop on the top of my blog is actually in my class this year! It's kind of neat that I took that picture from the school website long before I ever moved to Cambodia, never thinking I would actually teach that girl. When I opened my blog today, I realized it for the first time :) It was taken a few years ago, so she is a lot bigger now, but Karen had her as a student last year and said she is very proud to be on the school website! )

Flying over the Rocky Mountains

Guangzhou, China

It has been one month (and two days!) since i arrived back in Cambodia. It seriously feels like it has been WAY longer than that. Even when Karen and I had only been back for a week, we kept having to remind each other than it had only been a week. I think it's because once I got back, it felt as if I had never left. Life in Canada is SO incredibly different from life here - in every way (culture, language, climate, food, transportation, friends, church, quality of roads, etc.). It's almost like living on two different planets. When I was in Canada, it was hard to imagine that normal life was still going on here in Cambodia, and now that I'm back here, it's strange to think about normal life continuing for everyone else in Canada.

Back in a Tuktuk! I actually haven't had many tuktuk rides this year since Karen and I got a second moto. We each have our own now!

My favourite part about our new apartment - the balcony :)

I'm currently sitting in a coffeeshop (aka the land of air conditioning)- my favourite place to blog - since the power in my apartment building is out and it is just too hot and dark to stay in there for the afternoon.

(Ironically enough, the minute after I wrote that, the power in the coffeeshop went out... go figure. This is the #cambolife !)

I'll be honest with you.... (as much as I hate being honest sometimes. Being honest means being vulnerable. Ugh, who likes being vulnerable...) I didn't really want to blog today, even though I felt like I should. It's easier to talk/blog about struggles once we're on the other side, isn't it? It's a lot harder to talk/blog about those struggles when we're still working through them.

Something I've been thinking about lately is that as humans, we are generally quite unsatisfied with the day to day "normal" of life. We live from one big moment to the next, or even sometimes one weekend to the next. We are always looking for something to look forward to. Or at least I am... I guess I can only speak for myself. There is definitely a discontentedness in my heart that I wrestle with daily. I want the big moments - the fun adventures, the "instagrammable" trips and holidays... and I struggle in the in-between. The problem with this is that the in-between is actually what makes up real life. It's the realistic, sometimes messy, waking-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn, exhausted-at-the-end-of-the-day normal. The big moments are rare compared to the normal moments of life. So there's been a lot of heart wrestling going on in the past month - praying, and asking God to help me see the gifts in each normal day. I hate the discontentedness that I see in my own heart, and it bothers me that I still struggle with this (and maybe always will...), even though I know (and believe!) what the Apostle Paul writes in Philippians about the secret to being content.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in ANY and EVERY situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13)

This school year so far has been a struggle... The group of students I have this year brought with them some different types of challenges than the group I had last year, and even if they were a "perfect class", the beginning of the school year is always hard. Setting up routines, establishing norms and expectations, getting to know a new group of learners and their various needs, meet the teacher night (coming up this week)... it has been exhausting. Mentally and emotionally, I've been feeling pretty drained. It doesn't help that Cambodians are really honest people, and they've let me know more than once lately that I look tired. I know they are right.

Of course that isn't to say that there haven't been beautiful moments - of learning, of seeing lightbulb moments for kids, of reuniting with students from last year (precious!) and of building relationships with new ones. In some ways this year has been easier than last year - at least I am teaching the same grade again (grade 4) so most of the content isn't new (although I am also teaching literacy to grade 5s as well). But something I've realized more fully lately is that teaching is a type of job that never stops. I knew that going into it, but it's becoming more of a reality for me lately. As someone who is detail-oriented, and has perfectionistic tendencies, I think some of my exhaustion can be attributed to the fact that my mind never shuts off... Even as I try to fall asleep, even when I'm in the shower, even when I'm riding my moto to school, I'm always thinking about my job - what changes to make to the groups my students are in, different strategies to improve my classroom management, forms I need to collect from them, lesson plans I need to finish, resources I need to gather, things I need to print off, things I need to get photocopied... I really can't turn it off. And I'm not entirely sure that it's a healthy way for me to live. Having experienced the life of a teacher for a little over a year now, I have more respect than ever for the teachers that I had growing up.

For those who are "pray-ers", please keep praying - I definitely need His strength. Continue to pray that I would get enough rest, and that I would also be able to have wide-open eyes to see the many joys of living and teaching here in Cambodia. In the upcoming months, I will also be making a big decision about next year, so keep praying that I would have discernment and clear thoughts about that decision.

On a more exciting note, my parents will be here in Cambodia in just over 6 weeks! Their visit here is definitely one of those "big moments" that I'm really looking forward to. I can't wait to show them around Phnom Penh and have them experience some pieces of my life here :) We will also be visiting a few different places in Thailand during their time here, so I am super excited to see a new country and the incredible beauty that is there. Pray also for their travels here and that all the last minute details would be taken care of!

Here are some more pictures of Cambo year 2:

Cambo rainy season

Staying dry while representing my homeland!

Karen, Anna and Anthony - on our motos

Before the first day of school...

A little more of the "Real-life" Cambo... this is taken from the roof of our apartment, and shows a bit of what their construction standards are like...